May 4 and the things I could have written…

May 4…Missed it once more!

And this was going to be the year that I would write about my life experiences at Kent State University forty-five years ago in May of 1970, when I was a sophomore wandering about in pursuit of a degree of some sort. But it’s May 5, and that anniversary day has come and gone.

Yep, every year seems to come and go like that, without me having written about what I felt about that time period—not just that day when the students were shot—but the whole chunk of days and weeks—before and after—the infamous event there on a beautiful, sunshine-filled weekend. And the older I get, and the farther removed I am from it all, the harder it is to reconcile all that transpired during that period of my young life.

However, had I been so inclined to do as so many others did yesterday, I could have written about my anger at things that were happening on campus and in the community of Kent during that spring. For instance, the unfamiliar long-hairs, with their hardened, bitter faces and disheveled dress, who made it difficult for those such as me, not in “the movement,” to go about the business of playing student.

Even for a campus the size of Kent’s, it was fairly easy to recognize other students as we came and went during the course of a school year. Suddenly, though, in the spring of 1970, there was a whole host of new “students” on the scene, seemingly serious and intent on making their radical points known. They were part of a group—Students for a Democratic Society (SDS)—that was more interested in upheaval and anarchy than being “students” is how I thought of them. (Still do, for that matter!)

I could have written about the Friday night, May 1, when downtown Kent was trashed by rioters and agitators, all in the name of peace! This was an ugly, ugly scene, and I’m glad that I chose to stay at the fraternity house. At that point, the city was out of control.

Burned ROTC Building Photo: ohio.com

I could have written about Saturday night, May 2, when the ROTC building was burned, and those responsible cutting the fire hoses and preventing the firemen from doing their jobs.

I could have written about the bomb threat that cancelled the final exam I was scheduled to take that Monday, May 4. At the time, I wasn’t all that upset, figuring it would give me some much-needed extra time to better prepare for the thing. After all, I was very much in need of getting some better grades this time around to help raise me from the abyss of Probation.

I could have written about riding the bus back to my apartment a few blocks from campus and then, shortly after plopping down on the old saggy couch to study, taking advantage of the bomb scare reprieve, hearing a string of sirens racing past on the street outside, back toward the university. Although I wasn’t aware of what actually had happened, I had a feeling that things had finally come to a head, after a weekend of building tension and violence.

Curious, and no longer compelled to study, I walked the few blocks over to our fraternity house. On the way, I was confronted by two national guardsmen in a jeep (martial law, you know!) and was told that I needed to get off the streets. I indicated that I would be doing so very soon and continued on to the house.

I could have written about the confusion and complete shock that was surrounding everything and everyone at our fraternity. Many of the brothers had been on the scene, up near Taylor Hall, where the tragic event had taken place, and were fighting back tears now. As best as I could, I picked up bits and pieces of what exactly happened, but, like everything else about the event, no set of details seemed to match up. Someone would say one thing, someone else another. The only thing that was certain was at least four students had been killed and many others injured.

I could have written about what happened next: the university closing down, as though someone had thrown a big master switch, and we all had to get out! NOW!

Imagine, if you can, trying to make phone calls to family, in a time long before social media, smart phones, and text messaging. Fortunately, I was able to get to my apartment and packed what I could to take home to LaGrange, Illinois. What was to become of student life at KSU as we had known it, no one had any idea!

I could have written about how that summer unwound and how we all were able to complete our coursework from home. I could have written about my feeling cheated because of the actions of those who had a totally different agenda than I.

I could have written about how life goes on—and it did…and does—and things sometimes turn out for the better. If nothing else, I could have written that all actions have consequences, and that sad weekend at Kent State, forty-five years ago, didn’t have to turn out the way it did.

(Photo: commons.wikimedia.org)

But…I missed May 4…

Oh, the things that annoy!

Okay, it’s been awhile since I last wrote about things that annoy me—at my age more things are annoying than not, it seems—so I will spend a few writing moments today and mention some more “random” items that have worked their magic annoyance on me!

First, I’m yet to understand the preponderance of “LOL” in blog posts, e-mails, or other forms of written communication. Is it really necessary for the writer to include these cutesy-pie examples of Internet Speak? A smiley face emoticon when appropriate, I can understand (don’t really know why), but I detest the LOL or its cousin, ROTFL. It’s as though the writer isn’t confident enough that his/her words will carry the intended meaning. Call me an old, out-of-touch fuddy-duddy, but so it goes…

Next, TV commercials that make little or no sense to me are annoying beyond belief. The ad that comes to mind right away is the one which ran for quite some time promoting some 4G network (whatever that means), and some guy, in a large, public area—a train station, perhaps—begins dancing and gesticulating as the passersby look on in wonderment. Soon, a message appears on his phone that the flash mob event had been scheduled for a later time. The fact that I had no idea what a flash mob was, I didn’t quite grasp the overall concept of the commercial. I kind of understand it now, but for the majority of the time the ad ran, I had no idea why this guy was acting like a complete, unfettered goof and what it was they were trying to convey. Guess I missed the cut on that part of the current youth culture!

Twitter. Every time I think I can handle it—at least understand how it works—something else comes along to frustrate—and annoy—me all the more! I have yet to find an easy-to-understand tutorial (video or PDF), and those that I have run across are either for earlier versions of Twitter or they fail to explain the basic terminology and what we need to do to get started and up and running. I fear that the folks who produce these tutorials assume way too much that we (the users) are far more advanced in our understanding of the lingo involved than what we really are. I’m still trying to comprehend what a hash tag and ReTweet are! I have not grasped the concept, I suppose, so I’m very tempted to go back in and delete my account and be done with it altogether. But I’m inclined to give it another chance…for now, anyway. Stay tuned.

There’s more, of course, but I realize I’ve used up my self-imposed word limit for this post. In the very near future, I will write about those things. Now, though, I must get the travel bag out of dry dock and get some clothes packed for my journey to Kent State for a weekend of May 4 memories and fraternity reunion activities. Should be good to get back with some other fuddy-duddies and try to figure out hash tags and ReTweets over cold beers in old haunts. Now that makes me smile…LOL!

End of the Innocence (Pt. 4)-End of an Era

Monday, May 4, 1970

Oblivious to anything else around me on campus on this day, I headed over to Satterfield Hall for my 11:00 English mid-term. I hadn’t been seated very long, however, when there was a flurry of activity throughout the hallways. We were told to clear the building immediately as there was a bomb threat! Moments later, I was waiting for a campus bus to take me back to Dubetz Apartments, where I would spend the afternoon studying for my next mid-term to be given the next day. Sadly, that day never really came that spring.

I recall it was shortly after noon when I first heard the sirens racing toward campus. Not long thereafter, I decided to make my way across town to our fraternity house. Part of the way there, I was confronted by two National Guardsmen in a jeep patrolling the city streets. One of the armed Guardsmen asked me where I was going and ordered me to get there and off the streets as quickly as I could. I needed no further prodding and hustled on to the Kappa Sigma house. There, I learned from other brothers who had been on campus that there had been a terrible shooting and students killed! We were all in a state of confusion and disbelief.

Rumors of all shapes and sizes were running rampant. What stands out the most in those hectic moments are the many descriptions and eyewitness accounts of those who happened to be near the scene that day. There were so many different descriptions of the same event. And that seems to be the case forty-two years later. There is still a cloud of uncertainty as to what really happened up there near Taylor Hall. All of the commissions and task forces can investigate until the cows come home, and the complete truth will never come out.

Soon, the campus was closed and all any of us could do was scramble to try to get home. A complete chaotic atmosphere had converged on the campus, and the surreal state was spellbinding. There were many people whom I would never see again after that weekend, but for a while we were Kent students, all in the same boat, wondering what would come of all this. There were many plans and activities that would never be fulfilled after that weekend. Four students were dead, and far too many others wounded or injured. Fraternity softball games didn’t seem to matter all that much any more. And, most of all, there would never be that feeling of innocence in our college lives after that weekend.

Though we would all go on, following one path or another in our individual lives, the events of May 1-4 would somehow travel with us every step of the way. They still do…CortlandWriter

End of the Innocence (Pt. 2)…

Saturday, May 2, 1970–Kent State University

Saturday dawned chilly, gray, and overcast—a stark contrast to Friday’s spellbinding beauty. Somewhere in the apartment, a clock radio came on with the news of the morning. Through the mist of a  hangover, I heard the announcer say that police in Kent had declared a curfew for Saturday night. Further reports described the violence in downtown Kent the night before. And what did this mean to us at that moment? Perhaps it was taken as a kind of adventure. Most of us didn’t think the situation would be more than a night of being reprimanded: no bars or other nightspots would be open, and all sales of alcohol were suspended. I recall almost welcoming this turn of events as I would be forced to remain in my apartment and actually get some much-needed studying done for the upcoming final exams beginning on Monday.

Whatever happened to my willpower to study that night has been lost in the press of time, but I agreed to go along with Tim and Lance, two of my roommates and fraternity brothers, to Eastway Center on campus to bowl a few games. We had a good time, but it wasn’t long before the signs of trouble became evident. About 9 p.m. nearly 2,000 boisterous marchers passed by Eastway, yelling and protesting in that “special” way of theirs. Soon after, the fire alarm sounded, startling all who were inside. Was the building on fire? Was it something related to the trouble begun the night before? As it turned out, it was one more tactic of the glorious saviors of humanity making life increasingly uncomfortable for the majority of people at KSU.

Soon, the next step in the volatile weekend occurred. The ROTC building was reported burning! We listened to the many rumors flying about. One had the entire front campus on fire; another, the Administration Building. What we now realized was that this was much more serious than most had expected. Little did we know at that moment just how serious it would become in the next 48 hours. We ran into the president of Manchester Hall (a freshmen men’s dorm at the time), and he informed us that we would be spending the night in Eastway. We found him totally serious, and he advised us to stay inside. Despite his warning, we made our way to the exit door to make our way home.

We never got any farther because, at that moment, swarms of the long-haired and glassy-eyed marchers pushed through the doors, the nauseating smell of tear gas following along with them. We separated ourselves and retreated back inside. At this point, we heard another rumor—one that would prove true—that the Ohio National Guard was on campus. We went to another side door and saw the thick fog of tear gas outside. Again, the fog of time has blurred whatever the three of us did next. All I know is we were safe.

Next: Sunday, May 3, 1970…Calm Before the Storm

End of the Innocence (pt. 1)

Friday, May 1, 1970…Kent State University

I could have joined the gathering at the bell on the Commons at noon where they were going to protest the invasion of Cambodia by burying a copy of the Constitution, but that was not for me. Instead, I went to my American literature class, and I was happy when it was finished on that warm Friday…

What a day! There was no better day for the softball game at 4:30. The Kappa Sigs were flying high in the intramural softball league, and they would be shooting for another big win on this day, hoping to remain undefeated and one step closer to winning the all-university championship for the second straight spring.

The Tekes, a hard-luck team this year, would provide the competition for the Kappa Sigmas on this beautiful Friday afternoon. Spirits were high and the players anxious to get out to the University High School fields. None of us knew it then, of course, but this would be the last game played on this field, or any other field at KSU, for the 1970 season. Within hours, these green open fields would become landing and staging areas for the Ohio National Guard and Ohio State Police helicopters.

The game went as expected, a complete rout! The festive spirit was high as the girls talked, and the guys joked and kidded about the game, planning the party for that night at the fraternity house.

It was one of those ideal spring nights—perfect for a Friday—and as the two frosty kegs of beer arrived and were rolled into the house, the party was on! Some people built a small fire outside and cooked hot dogs; others sat outside on the front steps listening to the continuous cycle of “oldies” playing on the stereo. And as one keg was “killed,” the other one was tapped. All was good that night!

As the evening wore on, a few people left for various places downtown. Later, more began to filter over to the nearby Robin Hood, a popular nightspot where the beer was cold and the people plentiful. I remember the four or five of us who stayed around the fraternity house and finished up the hot dogs and what was left of the beer. A couple of brothers, obviously over served, were content to take it easy, while at the same time a chugging contest was happening in the kitchen! While our celebration was going on, a very different kind of thing was taking place downtown. Many anti-war protesters—many of whom were not KSU students—upset with the direction the war was going, broke windows and destroyed property. The mayor declared a state of emergency, and students were forced back toward campus. Those of us still at the fraternity house, sipping cold brew and enjoying the strains of Lou Rawls, among others, had no idea that this was all happening.

Looking back, I feel a stirring inside of me because I did not go downtown that night with many of the other brothers. And it’s funny how things like that happen, and we never know at the time they happen what they really mean. And I suppose that typifies my entire outlook on things during my Kent years. I chose to go another direction than many others that night. Instead of getting caught up in the turmoil that was beginning in the warm spring night downtown, I chose to enjoy my friends at the fraternity house. Eventually, we ended up at someone’s apartment, kicking back and talking about anything and everything it seemed. I remember sacking out on the floor and drifting off to sleep in no time, while the events that would catapult Kent State into infamy were in full swing on a beautiful spring night in the downtown area of Kent, Ohio.

Life at KSU would never be quite the same after that. The events that would transpire on Saturday and Sunday, setting the stage for the tragic outcome on Monday, May 4, 1970, were now in play…CortlandWriter

Next: End of the Innocence (pt. 2) Saturday & Sunday, May 2-3, 1970

Back to Kent State…

In a mere two weeks from this Thursday–May 3–I’ll be making my way back to the shores of Lake Erie in Ohio. I’ll spend that day and evening with my mom and probably see my sister and brother-in-law before the night is over. It will be a good visit. I’ll bid them adieu the next morning and continue east in my venerable Ford Ranger to the small town of Kent, a place that holds so many memories for me. Of course, anyone old enough to recognize the name of Kent—and the university that resides there—probably can understand the significance of the date that I’ll be arriving: May 4.

May 4 and Kent State University will forever be joined in infamy as the time and place of a very tragic incident: the killing of four students and the wounding and maiming of many others by Ohio National Guardsmen on a beautiful and warm day in 1970. It was a very volatile time then, and whatever view one has about the reasons for why things happened as they did, does not seem to get any clearer as the years continue to put distance between then and now.

I’m returning this year to reunite with many fraternity brothers and share in many activities for three days. Of course, there will be many opportunities to revisit the campus and watch and listen to the commemorative services that will be the order of the day on May 4. I will reflect and remember exactly where I was on that sun-splashed afternoon so long ago. I will have trouble recognizing fraternity brothers—and they me—but it will all work out for the best. We’ll have some cold beer, revisit (or try to!) many old haunts in and around campus, and generally have a wonderful time of it. Then, Sunday will come and we’ll all say “so long” again and scatter to our various points of residence. Strange how this happens.

Next: My May 4 memories from being there when it happened.